There are two kinds of relationships and each serves a specific purpose to why your having it in your life. The two kinds I have experienced are the kind that that inspires your life and the one that teaches you self-love. There is a distinct difference between both.
The inspirational relationship feels like you are able to be your complete self and feel liberated even within the relationship. Many people describe this relationship as feeling they are with their Twin Flame or true love. The feeling is so right and nothing about it makes you feel uneasy.
The relationship that teaches self-love feels right only when they provide something you think you can not give yourself. It is described by most as a Karmic connection, a toxic, codependent, abusive, controlling relationship. This type feels right only for very short periods of time and the rest of the time feels like you would very much like to escape the relationship as soon as possible.
I will not explain in more detail how the relationships function and details to distinguish them apart.
Most people experience the inspirational type of relationship early in life. This kind in many occasions meet early in life, yet once they are both aware of how this connection goes above the physical attraction, one person feels at home and the other runs. The one who feels at home, can become overly dependent on the relationship for guidance and need to grow into a more self-assured and self loving person before encountering another inspirational relationship.
The first inspirational relationship serves as a guide to distinguish this type of relationships in the future. All you have to know is that if you desire to have this an inspirational relationship in your life, you have to replay in your mind how these relationships make you feel. Practicing the feeling in your mind, prepares you for becoming open to the idea and leaving behind any resistance to this desire. When you practice it long enough, and you feel ready to start a relationship of this kind. Then someone who is desiring the same thing and is also ready will indeed be attracted into your life! It is pure bliss from there.
The challenges to endure
The signs of an inspiring relationship is the one that feels like they are just meant to be together and don’t know why. Your true love will bring out in you who you really are inside, this means that if you are not happy with something about yourself they will be a constant reminder of that. They have the ability to see right through you, and this may rise insecurities that were hidden. It can make you feel that you are not good enough, if you have not developed a good relationship with yourself. The feeling of not being good enough will not leave you, that means you are not ready to navigate such intense bond. There is still room for you to grow, it is very likely you part ways due to this.
Only when they have almost reached their self growth to a full bloom do they start calling for each other. Feeling an intense pull from with in that they can not ignore. Seeking their true love, learn that in their hearts they have been waiting for each other all along. Then part ways because the roles have switched, the one who ran is now ready and the other is now just coming out of a toxic relationship. They are both aware that neither is going to go anywhere, they will wait for each other until both are in the same page. While waiting, they grow with intent and purpose. Knowing that at the end of their finish line they are reuniting to stay together this time.
The signs that set them apart
The signs of this relationship, is feeling you are in tune with each other. It feels as if you have meet a long time ago and without learning about each other in depth you can already feel what the other person is thinking and feeling. Making you feel you trust them and let your guard down completely which may seem scary at first. You will be able to sense when they are thinking of you and if they want you to contact them. You can feel that your connection is so intense like a magnet that it leaves no room for insecurity. It makes you feel as if they left, it would only help them find contrast and come right back to you.
At first, when you start making contact with your true love, they will cause major changes in the way your life functions in general. All of a sudden flowers and beautiful things seem to have an exaggerated natural beauty to you. You will smile and laugh for the things you took for granted. You will pass by the card section in a store that you just ignored before and feel the love cards apply to how you feel in this moment. The songs playing everywhere you go will bring out in you memories of that person. There will be a new urge to sing along to any song, and just lose yourself in the music. You will feel that looking into their eyes even in a picture, draw you closer. The emotions for them will start to awaken strongly as if you knew them for many years and they had invested a lot of time in you. Just hearing their voice for a few minutes is enough to make you feel your whole day will be just amazing.
The relationship will not be based on conflict, in will be based on the shared connection. This connection that they can not have with someone else. Remaining true to themselves and let the other person be themselves without the need to control them. Learning about the other persons interest, only because they care and with no fabricated motives in mind. A natural inclination will come over them to appreciate their extended family and make genuine efforts to get to know them better.
Relationships that teach you self-love
These relationships are purely based on physical attraction and an emotion that they create temporarily. The person fills the neglect we give ourselves when we have not developed a relationship with ourselves. The relationship feels right only when the other person gives us something we need from ourselves. It could be, just attention, affection, nice words, or another type of need. If the person stops providing what we need, then the relationship seems to have no purpose for us. Basically it is kept for selfish reasons, we are just using them to create something we have not mastered yet. When we develop the ability to care for how we feel above the interest of others, the relationship seems like its tying us down and keeping us from our own happiness.
There can be an inner war inside ourselves that keep us in this type of relationships, even though they just don’t feel right. It is that the bond is based on something we depend on, it brings us to need from them and come back over and over. The relationship will have an abusive cycle, there will be just pure conflict mostly. The relationship will take an absorbing amount of energy just to keep it above water. It will be consuming and just exhausting. The reason for this is that to keep it alive it depends purely on words and actions. There is no natural connection drawing you together like magnets. The insecurity that someone can come along offering a connection that will snatch your lover away, will be worrisome.
The challenges to endure
Conflict in this relationship will break you and shake you to your core, then you will pick your pieces together and be a stronger version of yourself because of it. A stronger version of yourself will slowly grow into learning how to appreciate yourself. This new-found appreciation will allow you to take no more abuse from the relationship. It will teach you to not accept abuse as something that you deserve. Once this appreciation for self blooms, you will spend more and more time alone. To allow your inner being to develop and you will have a relationship with yourself that makes you feel secure and stable. This new relationship with yourself will bring you to trust your inner guidance and gut feeling. Developed this, you will not be easily swayed or influenced by the person trying to abuse or manipulate you. They will notice this and put all force to trick you into self-doubt, if you fall you will know how to get up again. Until your inner roots become so strong that they will not be able to touch you, they will have no impact in your behavior what so ever.
The signs that set them apart
The false soulmate signs to look out for, is feeling of being torn between yourself and them. The constant pull and push, and power struggle. The craving to fill a void will be what links you together and will see the other person as the solution to the worst fears in life. You will have the need to want to know what they are thinking at all times and not know. The connection will start on physical attraction but will be fueled by insecurity. The insecurity will make it become a controlling relationship for both. A strong sense of losing the other person will be a dominating thought for them since there is no sustainable connecting to keep them grounded. An overall feeling of the relationship will feel uneasy, unsure, and will cause them to always second guess what they are feeling and thinking.
First meeting, will feel like you can’t get enough of each other. Then as soon as they feel you are very comfortable, they will slowly try to modify everything in your life. They will have an image of your potential and what they envision you to become. They will try to basically force you to become what they want you to be, and not care about appreciating who you are. You will feel like a trophy they keep just to show off. In this stage of the relationship, they lose interest in getting to know you, or learn what are your interests. They will string you along as long as you let them. Offering none of the initial attention or need they fulfilled in the beginning. This will make you feel trapped, feeling you are only staying out of either pity, loyalty or financial reasons. Overcoming all things that keep holding you back, will feel liberating.
The social aspect of your life you once knew will end in a halt. They will have no interest in establishing a relationship with either your friends or family. In fact, they will push them away, in fear that they can influence you to leave them. Also, they will avoid any interaction with them because they do not want to share you. They develop feelings of jealousy towards anybody you invest time with, because they want all your time to be spent exclusively with them alone. Any gesture you do towards others, they will nag and ask why it was not done towards them instead. You will start feeling suffocated and do what they demand just to keep the peace and avoid another sticky situation.
My take on both types of relationships
I think that you can celebrate having the right love in your life. If you are still trying to find yourself and feel stuck in an unwanted relationship. I have news for you, it is temporary! Focus on your personal growth and the rest will fall in its place. If you keep falling back into toxic relationships, you are still learning lessons that will help you get out. Just be patient with yourself and give it time. Just never, ever lose hope of a better future. It is possible!
I have questions for you to consider after reading. Please share them below in a comment to help others gain new perspectives or relate to your experience.
My 3 Questions for you:
- What are some lessons you learn from a relationship that teaches self-love?
- Have you been able to experience an inspirational relationship?
- What actions are you taking to be able to attract an inspirational relationship? (If applicable to you)
Thank you for your input.
Written by Adilene